“WHAT TODAY IS MANKIND’S MOST WONDERFUL EXPERIENCE? 
WHY HANDS DOWN, REGARDLESS OF WHAT CULTURE YOU LIVE IN, ALMOST ALL WOULD SAY THE EXPERIENCE OF MARRIAGE. 
YET STATISTICS TELL US, WITHIN A FEW SHORT YEARS 
IT CAN TURN INTO A “HELL” ON EARTH!”

 I’m Dennis Finnan, host and speaker on the World, the Word & You! Broadcast and in a moment we’ll talk about MARRIAGE AND HOW IT CAN LAST FOR A LIFETIME …

When the late Mr. and Mrs. Henry Ford celebrated their golden wedding anniversary a reporter asked them, "To what do you attribute your 50 years of successful married life?"   Mr. Ford replied, "The formula is the same formula I have used in making cars… just stick to one model."  Well that’s good advice even for our 21^st century. Yet, statistics show we have failed miserably in this, and today it’s not getting better, only worse.

New data on marriage, divorce, and remarriage in the United States show that 43 percent of first marriages end in separation or divorce within 15 years, according to a recent report released by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).

What’s more, duration of marriage is linked to a woman’s age at first marriage; the older a woman is at first marriage, the longer that marriage is likely to last. For example, 59 percent of marriages to brides under 18 end in separation or divorce within 15 years, compared with 36 percent of those married at age 20 or over. Thus, the statistics show us that nearly 1 in 2 marriages end in divorce every year. But, then those who remarry, the statistics show that of remarriages 43% end in a second divorce. It’s not good my friend, and the resulting hurt and harm suffered has devastated our nation.

Well after we pause for one more musical moment, I’ll return with some advice not from my own head or anyone else’s on how to make marriage last for a lifetime, but from the Word of God. This is the Creator’s instruction manual and if we follow it, we can reasonably be assured our marriages will break these statistics and be a joy for the rest of our lives. So listen up, I’ll be right back…

... With so many marriages ending in divorce these days, one wonders what can be done to help troubled couples. The standard answer has been – go get marriage counseling! However did you know that marriage counseling has an equally poor record of failure?  Yes, according to studies, almost 50% of couples in therapy still end up divorced!  Only 10 to 20% of couples who go to therapy see any significant help from such counseling. Of course, the counseling in these statistics refers to non-Christian counseling. Not that bad advice is given there always, but much of what secular humanism teaches about marriage is questionable when referenced to the Word of God.  So in the limited time I have with you today, let me share some wonderful truths about what God intends for marital relationships between a man and a woman, and how to make it last for a lifetime.

Now today as one listens to the many marital counselors and their opinions and books on how to succeed in marriage, it all boils down to what some say are six basic Christian principles....

1.      Make an effort to know and understand the uniqueness of your mate.

2.      Spend adequate, quality and majority time together with your mate.

3.      Work at and maintain a healthy trust relationship between you.

4.      Love your mate with a biblical love the Bible speaks about.

5.      Work at resolving the differences that often divide you in marriage

6.      Make sure you have surrendered your hearts and your home to Jesus Christ as Lord.

Now one might not need to go further than these basic Christian principles, however, it’s easier said than done. The proof of this is those statistics quoted before, about one out of every two marriage ending in divorce, well it is not limited to the secular non-Christian world. These statistics also reflect the world of Christianity; I’m ashamed to tell you.

Now let’s go back to the beginning where we can find the origins of marriage itself. For this we have to go to the Garden of Eden, where God first created mankind and placed them there. We discover God tells us about it. Listen to the Word of God,

Gen 1:1 (NIV)  In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth…

Gen 1:26 (NIV)  (On the sixth day of creation) Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, in our likeness…”

Gen 2:18 (NIV) (Immediately following this) The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

Gen 2:21-25 (NIV)  So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 23 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman, ‘ for she was taken out of man.” 24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. 25 The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

Here we are told that God chose the Garden of Eden, a place of perfection where there was no such thing as sin or the curse it has brought our world we live in, to institute the divine act of “marriage.” Here in these texts we discover what marriage was meant to be. First we see…

1. GOD INTENDED MARRIAGE TO BE FOR A LIFETIME - Henry Ford said “stick to one model.” This is not only good advice, but God’s command!  God gave Adam only one “model”, that is a woman and upon his acceptance of her, she was his wife for his lifetime, and he her husband for the same. Sadly this command is broken more and more these days. Today more than 3.8 million men and women co-habit together without the covenant of marriage. This not only violates God’s command and angers God, but causes His curses and penalties to fall upon them. Hollywood’s idea of rejecting biblical marriage and habitation has infected our whole population. Just look at the devastating results.  

Statistics show that, children of divorce are 50% more likely than their counterparts from intact families, to likewise divorce.   Furthermore, fatherless homes account for 63% of youth suicides, 90% of homeless/runaway children, 85% of children with behavior problems, 71% of high school dropouts, and 85% of youths in prison, and well over 50% of teenage mothers. Furthermore, the wreckage of human life is almost immeasurable as the years move on. Friends, this was not God’s plan and failure to maintain a marriage for life, brings such devastating results. Secondly, from our opening passages in Genesis, we discover in the Bible,

2. GOD INTENDED MARRIAGE TO BE THE ONLY PLACE FOR PHYSICAL INTIMACY – Yes, marriage is not only intended to be for a lifetime with one mate, it was also to the “only” place of physical intimacy between a man and a woman. The idea today of heterosexual marriage is the basis of what “man” is in the Bible. Note the following verse,

Gen 1:27 (NIV)  So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

Mankind, the very image of God, consists of both the male and female “combined.” God further went on to say that when they marry they become one complete unit of humanity.

Gen 2:24 (NIV)  For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

Although men and women through the ages have corrupted this divine institution in many ways (adultery, divorce, polygamy, homosexuality, etc.), Jesus Christ said, "from the beginning it was not so" (Matthew 19:8). One Biblical commentator [i] on this passage has well said,

“The marital relationship was established as the first human institution. “One flesh” speaks of a complete unity of parts making a whole, e.g., one cluster, many grapes (Num. 13:23) or one God in 3 persons (Deut. 6:4); thus this marital union was complete and whole with two people. This also implies their sexual completeness. One man and one woman constitute the pair to reproduce. The “one flesh” is primarily seen in the child born of that union, the one perfect result of the union of two. Permanent monogamy was and continues to be God’s design and law for marriage.”

Indeed, this “one flesh,” is the image of God in man. Thus God is in essence both male and female and all that comprise each of us uniquely is a completed unit of God’s iamge. Saying all that, same sex marriages mock God, deny His plan and destroy image. Heterosexuality is God’s ordained method of true human bonding and the one for which our bodies and emotions are designed. God not only condemns in no uncertain terms same sex marriage and intimacy, but promises temporal, spiritual and eternal penalties for such disobedience.
But now back to the idea of intimacy. Marriage is God’s plan to preserve society from promiscuous animalistic living that always results in destruction of societies that permit this. Listen to God’s Word on this issue. We begin,

Exo 20:14 (NIV) (One of the Ten Commandments) “You shall not commit adultery.

Lev 20:10 (NIV) (Under Old Testament Law)  “’If a man commits adultery with another man’s wife—with the wife of his neighbor—both the adulterer and the adulteress must be put to death.

Prov 6:26-32 (NIV)  for the prostitute reduces you to a loaf of bread, and the adulteress preys upon your very life. 27 Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned? 28 Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched? 29 So is he who sleeps with another man’s wife; no one who touches her will go unpunished. 30 Men do not despise a thief if he steals to satisfy his hunger when he is starving. 31 Yet if he is caught, he must pay sevenfold, though it costs him all the wealth of his house. 32 But a man who commits adultery lacks judgment; whoever does so destroys himself.

Heb 13:4 (NIV)  Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

Sexual intimacy outside of marriage is not only against God’s Laws, but guarantees God’s judgments will come in physical and relational consequences. The physical consequences are increasingly obvious. AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases have ravished our society and world from promiscuity.  Lifelong infectious illness and terminal diseases are killing of millions of people worldwide. Why? Because the command for physical intimacy within a heterosexual marriage has been violated. We read of Adam and Eve upon their marriage,

Gen 2:25 (NIV)  The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

There is no shame or wrong in enjoying the wonders of physical intimacy within the bonds of marriage. Outside of this is shame,  a curse, and judgment. 

Now, if you want a marriage to last for a lifetime, you’ll have to work at those six basic concepts for a happy successful marriage I mentioned before. However there is more to know, and as I’ve researched this issue for today’s talk, I came across what one writer calls the “TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR MARRIAGE.” [ii]  These are truly biblical, and so I share them with you. First is,

The Ten Commandments For Husbands

1.    Treat your wife with strength and gentleness.

2.    Give ample praise and reassurance to her always.

3.    Avoid criticism when things go wrong.

4.    Remember the importance of little things that please her.

5.    Define areas of responsibility between you.

6.    Recognize her need for togetherness with you!

7.    Give her a sense of security in every area of your life.

8.    Recognize the validity of her gender oriented moods and needs during them.

9.    Cooperate with her in every effort to improve your marriage.

10.    Discover her particular, individual needs and try to meet them with love.   

Indeed this is good advice for a happy and long-term relationship. Although men need to be the head of the home, as the Bible commands, they also need to lead with gentleness and respect. Now for the woman in marriage here are her commandments for a happy lifetime marriage: 

The Ten Commandments For Wives

1.    Learn the real meaning of love and commitment, and do not live in a fantasy world.

2.    Give up any dreams of a perfect marriage, rather work for a good one.

3.    Discover your husband's personal needs and try to fill them lovingly.

4.    Abandon dependency upon your parents, or any outside influences or friends.

5.   Abandon criticism of his faults and even his parents.

6.   Abandon possessiveness and jealousy.

7.    Greet your husband with real affection instead of complaints or demands.

8.    Abandon the idea of changing your husband by criticism or attacks.

9.    Give praise and appreciation for the good things he does, instead of seeking it for yourself.

10.    Pray for God’s grace of daily surrender and for patience to find it.

Yes, all these things are essentially biblical truths fleshed out in the relationships of marital life together. Although our society thinks marriage is obsolete and unworkable, God says different. Also we know that it is workable, by looking at and examining the families of Christians who obey God’s law and principles in their marriages and have exampled this for us. I must say that my wife and I myself found Christ at an early age and surrendered our lives to Him and our home as well. God has given my fantastic wife with 38 years of marital bliss. Oh, that doesn’t mean we haven’t had differences, and at times disagreement, but it does mean that when those times came, we both surrendered ourselves to each other to work them out with acceptable compromise.

I personally think that is a key concept for a happy successful marriage between two sinners. Yes, compromise is not a bad word in marriage. In fact, it is essential for its existence!  You know, in my counseling couples struggling in their marriages invariably it is over issues neither of them would give ground. They each had to have it their way, and it seemed for them to give in was weakness for them. How sad. You see the Bible says to both men and women,

Eph 5:21 (NIV)  Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Rarely do you hear or see that. We often hear of the wife having to submit to the husband as truly the Bible teaches for the sake of a chain of command and order, but both the man and the wife are to submit to each other’s needs. And, my friend isn’t that the issue? If you truly love your spouse, you will live to please him or her; and, when you do, invariably the spouse senses this and returns the love to you. Of course, since we are sinners this “give and take” relationship often fails when one takes and never gives, right? Yet, the other’s failure is no reason for yours.

Regardless of which nation it is, successful lifetime marriages are a nation’s greatest asset and resource. In the Bible marriage is considered a family function to maintain and orderly society. Just look around and all the problems we face today in our 21^st century world. Why, you can trace them all, yes “all” back to violations of God’s command for a heterosexual lifetime monogamous marriage!

So the issue is up to you. Will you make your marriage work? The best help for this is for both the husband and wife to first find Jesus Christ and surrender their hearts and home to Him. The B0ible says,

Psa 127:1 (NIV)  Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain

 God says marriage without following His plan and principles will have no ability to last or be truly enjoyable. Since God created us, He knows what’s best. Make your marriage one that lasts for a lifetime –Give God the right to rule your home and hearts. We first must do this by personally surrendering ourselves to God through Christ. You see, the Bible tells us that there are seven things we must do to be in a right relationship with God and to avoid His temporal and eternal judgment. Judge for yourself. Have you fulfilled all seven of things? If not make a commitment today to do so, and enter the joy of knowing that God will work on your behalf to bring His blessings and grace to you, your home and marriage. Her they are:

SEVEN THINGS WE MUST DO TO BE RECONCILED TO GOD 
AND BE BLESSED IN OUR MARRIAGES.

1. Believe that God created you and that He wants your marriage to be blessed by Him.

2. Believe what the Bible tells us, that we are sinners estranged from God and under His penalty of separation and death.

3. Believe that God wants to reconcile us to Himself and has provided a way to do this through the Good News Gospel found in the Bible.

4. Hear and heed the truth taught that God came to this earth in the Person of Jesus Christ and offered up His life on the cross as a substitutionary payment for your sins.

5. Reach out by faith alone and put your trust in Him for heaven and eternal life, and confess your sins to God.

6. Begin to learn the Bible’s teaching on how to please God in your life, your home and your relationships with your spouse.

7. Surrender your life to Christ and seek to walk in God’s Word and ways by His help and strength.

Well there you have it. It’s not complicated, nor terribly involved, but it works! Thousands have found this to be true and not only enjoy this life more abundantly as Jesus promised us (John 10:10) but they have the promise of Heaven and eternal life to come. What more can you ask? So, it’s up to you now to make your choice. Do you want to continue to go it alone? How are you doing? Probably not good, maybe terrible. Then change! Take the first step and become a surrendered follower of Jesus Christ – He can make your life work again, and give you His peace in the midst of any storm. God grant this to you for Jesus sake, amen.

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[i] MacArthur, J. J. (1997, c1997). The MacArthur Study Bible (electronic ed.) (Ge 2:24). Nashville: Word Pub.

[ii] THE BIBLE NETWORK - http://www.siscom.net/